Monday, August 31, 2009

The world is ANYTHING but a cigarette.

It appears that I'm going to have to start putting strict limitations on my computer use frequency--its effect is all too similar to amphetamines, I'm finding. Last night, I didn't even lay down to go to sleep until 7 am, and at that point, my brain was so spazzy from playing Victorian characters on an interactive chat room with my friend Jessieca that I was restless and wide awake until I finally just got back up around noon-ish. That sounds real nerdy I'm sure, but it's not my fault--Roger made me go to the website the other night, and he's the nerd, not me! I just figure if you're going to chat online--which I have been heavily reliant upon on this trip--then you might as well be a fat guy in a fancy suit holding two clocks, or a bird man, or Josephine Baker, instead of boring old being-yourself chat.

So I arose at noon, but only because my birth certificate arrived in the mail today and I needed to get an expedited passport ASAP. This is the SECOND time I've lost my passport, folks. I need to get a microchip installed into the material of the cover so that I can find it by satellite next time! We had to drive out to north Austin or somewhere and have this halitosis-victim click around on a computer keyboard for a little while so that I could pay him $75 (on top of the $160 a regular expedited passport cost). We'll see if its worth it, I guess. Getting banned from countries used to seem so hard, but I'm a fast learner. At this rate, we'll be cancelling tours and having streets all over the world plastered with posters of my face with a line through it! Dang it.

My very favorite part of the day--I saved it for last-- was when we arrived at our friend Chazz' recording studio to set up some equipment for tomorrow's session. We're re-recording our song 'The World is a Cigarette' because it didn't come out right when we recorded in L.A. His friend Jim--a very kind fellow, I should add--is to be co-pilot this operation and apparently works at the same music store that employs Chazz.

Upon arriving, we saw Chazz' figure in the driveway with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. We parked to unload, and as he helped lift some of the heavier stuff, he endeavored to explain in advance a few things about Jim to us.

"The main thing to keep in mind, really, is to avoid using the word, 'cigarette' whenever possible. I mean, I know it sounds really weird, but he has this phobia of cigarettes and can't handle hearing the word EVER or he gets extremely nauseous and sometimes even throws up."

Since Chazz is a jokey kind of guy with a silly sense of humor, my first reaction was of course to laugh. So I did. But in return, all I got was a healthy dose of reassurance that he was completely serious and that the word 'cigarette' was no laughing matter around these parts.

" But Chazz. 'Cigarette' is a lyric in the the fucking song that we're recording today, so how the hell do you expect us to avoid that???" I inquired.

Apparently, Jim has offered to leave the room whenever the beginning of the song occurs so that the offensive lyrics do not putrefy his clean, smoke-free thoughts. I can't imagine how he's going to be of much use to our engineer/producer under these profoundly ridiculous circumstances, but I'm very much looking forward to finding out how this will all unfold.

Stay tuned!

Oh, and here's that interactive chat site I mentioned earlier: (Thanks a LOT, Roger!)

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