There's something so magical and disturbing about non-stop lightning storms--on impossibly hot days!
We're raised as kids to learn and to recognize the characteristics of the quintessential weather pattern: Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring, and then it all starts back at the beginning. Apparently, nobody told Texas about the way this schedule ought to operate, and they've got it all fucked up. I woke up drenched in sweat (and with a bright red hair dye stain on my pillowcase!) after a night of suffering beneath the weight of merciless heat trapped in my small room. Despite multiple cold showers, I couldn't get my blood to hum at its usual pitch.
So, I spent another crippling day on road trip mode, even with solid ground beneath my feet.
What's this, you ask?
Well, it's not too distant a relative of nocturnal mode because it involves low physical activity levels during daylight hours, and nocturnal mode is already one of my specialties. However, it varies in that it relies heavily on daydreaming, list-making and completing minor tasks that don't actually need to be done, while nocturnal mode involves much more daytime sleeping. Both modes have similar side-effects: an almost manic, ecstatic hunger for creative output as soon as the sun goes down. If left to my own devices with no company and no pressing appointments the next day, I can easily spend an entire night frantically working on one small project, and I get so high from it that I wish there was a way I could sell it to other people! But so long as the sun's up and especially if it's unreasonably warm, I am like a lizard in a tundra.
I've learned to make the best of times like these, of course, and sometimes even look forward to them. Since I'm useless behind the wheel on road trips/tours, my time is usually divided into equal parts reading, sleeping and thinking deeply. Reading is always fun, but you can only take so much in a moving vehicle. Sleeping has grown increasingly difficult on the road for some reason, but I still fit it into my schedule.
Deep thinking and dreaming awake is a horse of a different color--what a wonderful treat this is! I enjoy and look forward to the times I am permitted to do this without offensive interruptions by music I don't care to listen to, or conversations I'm not invested in. In fact, I secretly get very frustrated sometimes because car mates will try to discuss something with me or blast cheesy radio hits and foil my sweet reveries! Allowing your mind to wander, to solve invented problems, or to simply invent period, is the keystone and salvation of a child's world. It is a survival skill when we are young because our early years go by sooo slowly and involve lots of waiting around and doing things that are boring. As it evolves into a superfluous indulgence instead of a necessity, we allow it to happen less and less and stop thinking of it as a tool, and I think this is a great pity. Everyone should make time to think and dream without interruption! You can have ideas outside of the shower, you know!
As I was saying earlier, I haven't been doing shit. At least, during the day. I have, on the other hand, had plenty of time to think, and I've realized that my mind is on a new plain lately. It's hard to say what is causing my adjusted perspective and sensory-tweakings, but I'm sure its no thanks to starting this blog and challenging myself to write every day, even if I don't want to.
Also, the aforementioned lightning storms. It might sound superstitious or just plain uneducated, but I feel like all the un-channeled electricity running through this town with its head cut off is vibrating my brain and charging my blood with weird, magical powers. My veins are pulsating and brimming with some kind of a wizard's energy drink, and I don't mind at all. Turn up the heat, zap it a few times, and maybe it will be ready soon!
This is a new kind of season! YAY!
You know, when I first started this blog, I thought to myself: "Yeah, I can do this! Maybe after a year I can sift through all the content and put a flimsy paperback together!'' But after that last paragraph, I really doubt that any of these entries will ever be worth printing! It doesn't matter, though. I feel myself inside of me more than in a long time, and its probably because I have evidence that thoughts and processes really ARE going on sometimes, and that is reassuring. Even when its cheesy or incriminating, its proof, and I needed that.