The wavering sword of a good guess (fall where it may)

It seems like a really bad idea to blog about this, let alone START my blog off with the mere mention of my unspeakable deed, but when I sat down to write, it was the most glaring, prominent thought in my brain and it seems there is nowhere else I could possibly begin. Apologies in advance to every wanting and twitterpated individual I owe money to and haven't paid...and an especially apologetic shout out to my landlord, Ernesto Ruiz!

I'm very ashamed of what I've done: Today, I went to a vintage clothing store, tried numorous items on, and then spent money I absolutely DO NOT have on not one, but TWO dresses!

The GALL! The INSULT! The ODACITY!!! I truly do not know what overcame me!

Oh wait, yes I do:

FLIPPANT, CARELESS SELF-INDULGENCE.

I was really against sharing this offensive news at first, but I realized that unless my guilty deeds are made public, I will never be encouraged to improve my will power! Not only that, but the entire point of this whole blogging ritual is to be able to reference the events in my life, good or bad. Now, if in a few months or a few years I totally have my shit together and I'm tempted to wag my tongue at some innocent that's traipsing through the wonder-jungle of trial and error, I might think twice before I point at anybody! What a mess I can be...and it would only be rationalizing if I tried to refer back to my lecture about being cheap!

It's not about the two dresses. They are of very fine quality, they are what trendy fashion magazines trying to sell you stuff during the recession would call 'investment pieces,' and they are exquisitely tailored to my form. BUT,I don't need them--I need to pay my bills. I've been behaving rather sensibly lately and have actually been making bold, intelligent decisions for myself! A slip-up of this variety at a time like this is a cold shower, and I'm feeling wet behind the ears all over again! What is this, Sex and the City? I HATE that fucking show!

I've always wanted to be the kind of lady that doesn't waste things, but is whimsical and unafraid to be free with money. I want to be unhindered by financial matters and not always consider logistics, like Auntie Lisa! She is open and generous and always willing to dive right in, sometimes even if the bills haven't been paid. But there's a difference between Auntie Lisa and I: She has some money, I have zero.

Now is not the time for me to go running through fields of wild flowers throwing around money like its bird seed!

So, in order to reverse (as much as possible) the damage of my errant behavior (in my own mind, at least), I'm going to commit myself to ammending a matter far too long neglected; I will tie a belated bow on an irksome loose end by getting myself a cell phone upon my return from Europe!

(That's right, Jonathan! Here it is, quilled in blood and etched in stone!)

After two years of being free from the lasso of confirmations, collectors, engagements, reminders,accountability and other unpleasantries; after two years of being a slave to stress, other people's moods, the fear of not knowing, and my own guilt...after two whole years of living by the wavering sword of a good guess (fall where it may), I present to you my new imminent future!

(Cell phone number TBA)